Hi, it’s me . . . no, not the mashed-potatoes obsessed hippie who was originally supposed to end up as my amuse-bouche, except his stunted double (real trivia buffs will get that joke) was too seagull-shit to get in the water with me. I am a professional, I only masticate for mula, man. Hey, I used some good alliteration there, not bad considering I got blisters on my fins. So, yea, I’m the freaking star of the original, as in the FIRST Blockbuster. My film was the first to gross over 100 mil, you know, in the 70′s that bought a lot of chum, more like chumps, right?
Speaking of chumps, that’s me, I’m kinda pissed, and you would be too. Here it is, thirty-seven years later, they have had documentaries, we’ve been on VHS, Beta, DVD, hell even the coked-out 80′s Laser Disc, and now I am finally on Blu-ray, but am I EVER asked to sit down and take a load off and do a presser with some wannabe Siskel? What do you think? I mean, the director referred to me as a “floating turd” . . . NOT COOL, Stevie, not cool. Odds are they don’t want me . . . wait for this . . . rocking the boat. You better laugh, because I have a conveyer belt of teeth, bitches!
So, let’s talk about the 4,200 pound Great White in the sea, ROYALTIES! I am getting a little long in the teeth, people; I need to get what is due! Fact, I am on the cover of, arguably, the most iconic film poster of all time! I had the best lines, or at least I . . . produced the best lines . . . if you catch my drift, of the film. And, don’t get me started on close-ups; how many people are paying money to stick their heads in Dreyfuss’ mouth at Universal Studios? Exactly! So, how did this happen, you may ask? I was young in the 70′s, naive really, just coasting and riding the waves of fame, and I never thought much past my next meal, speaking of which, that was my agent. His tenure was, thus, short-lived.
Anyway, the studio wanted me to share the good news that you can now see my infamous sonuvabitch smile in Blu-ray, and I agreed to let Steven off the hook if I could officially introduce the film’s Blu-ray release.
Check out the video below and let me hear your comments, if you dare! Oh, one last thing, for the barracuda-brained amongst you, this is an officially sponsored post courtesy of Universal Studios.
