Directed by: James Wan
Written by: David Leslie Johnson-McGoldrick, Will Beall, Geoff Johns, James Wan
Cast: Jason Momoa, Amber Heard, Patrick Wilson, Willem Dafoe, Temuera Morrison, Yahya Abdul-Mateen II, Nicole Kidman
Swift shot: Other than some terrible music and really dumb lines for Arthur Curry, Aquaman
Arthur Curry narrates the tale of how his mother and father met. The moment the sea delivered Queen Atlanna (Kidman) to his father (Morrison), a lighthouse keeper in Amnesty Bay, Maine way back in 1985. I was chuckling that he should have just left her there to rot, unless he wanted to be accused of MeToo’ng her. But, he does bring her inside and of course they fall in love and bang out little Arthur Treacher…, err, Curry. Problem is, the Queen actually fled an arranged marriage and the King is pissed, so he sends a squadron of Atlantean soldiers to bring her back to face justice. Realizing she is putting her son in danger, she decides to return and accept her fate.
We get a brief origin story that everyone saw in the trailers, where young Arthur is at an Aquarium and discovers (or reveals) that he can speak to the fish. For years, this has been a running joke that Aquaman’s only power is he can get a fish to do his taxes or some shit. And for some reason, my only Underoos as a kid were Aquaman, a fact I have tried to hide for decades. Because the torment I would have received if that news got out would have made life at Bennett Elementary a perpetual melee.
Anyway, when we finally see Aquaman all grown up and when he makes his grand entrance, ohh boy, I need to find those old Underoos – I am sure they still fit. And prepare yourself for about five smoldering shots, ladies. Maybe smoldering is a new power for Aquaman, as much as he does it in this movie.
The superheroics start under the high seas, where a techno-pirate ruthlessly slaughters much of the crew of a Russian sub. But not today, avast ye pirates, because Aquaman is somehow in the right place to thwart them. [Come to think of it, how the hell did he know to be there? It is never explained]
Of course, he beats the living snot out of the pirates, not engaging in anything overtly lethal as he easily accepts their lead volleys as he smolders on with his smolderingly smolderingness. But in the process of dealing with the rescue of the crew, Arthur creates a mortal enemy. Granted, the guy was already a giant prick of a human, thanks to his father, yes, I am speaking about Manta (Abdul-Mateen).
[Swift aside: here’s where things get a little fuzzy for me, because I don’t recall Mera and Arthur meeting in a prior film. I guess they did in Justice League, but I have pretty much wiped that film from my memory. It wasn’t that I hated it, it just wasn’t very remarkable.]
Princess Mera (Heard) just pops up out of the water like a whack-a-manatee and tells Arthur that war is coming, as his half-brother Orm (Wilson) is ready to teach the surface dwellers a lesson about destroying the oceans. Arthur is like, oh well, that isn’t my problem. Uhm, yea, almost immediately after that, it becomes his problem, as Orm sends up a giant shit storm tsunami that ravages many of the world’s coasts and sends up all the pollution and moral refuse out of the sea and back up to the land. And unlike in many of these films where cities are ravaged, Fort Lauderdale is hit too. Uh oh, I am not safe this time!
So far, Orm can’t actively attack the surface, but he’s working on gathering up a coalition to do just that. With the help of a false flag orchestrated by Manta and another king Nereus, played better than I was expecting by Dolph Lundgren, Orm needs to bring some of the other kingdoms of Atlantis to heel and he will earn the tilte of . . . wait for this stupidity . . . Ocean Master.
People couldn’t help but laugh at that one. DC just sucks at names and titles, with a few exceptions. Even Green Arrow is kind of dumb, when you think about it. He wears green and shoots arrows, ok, he’s Green Arrow. Don’t get me started on Green Lantern. So, yea, Ocean Master, sounds like some Below Deck title that even Captain Lee wouldn’t run against the tide
Oddly enough, I was almost ready to write this movie off as just another dumb DC mess. But, it’s here that I actually started really getting into the story, because Orm is a sympathetic villain. Yes, he’s ambitious for power, but he also wants to teach us surface dwellers a lesson about taking care of the planet. And, honestly, if there were Atlanteans, they would have already made themselves known and spanked us a few times for some of the shit we do to the oceans. Let’s be real.
I am not a tree-hugger or anything, but when I see someone litter, it enrages me. I’d have no problem with some of these jerks having to wade through some of the trash they dump into the deep blue on the daily. And when you find out why Orm has a serious problem with his older half-brother, it’s hard not to see why he is like he is. While Arthur blames Atlantis for killing their mother, Orm blames Arthur. He is the sin seed that sealed her fate.
Once Arthur realizes there’s a direct threat to his home, personally, he agrees to go on a quest with Mera to find the lost Trident of Atlan, the last great King of the unified nations of Atlantis. And that’s when the movie really picks up and gets freakin’ good! Let’s not worry about Arthur being selfish, as he needs room to develop as a character.
That’s what impressed me the most about these guys, one brother wants nothing to do with the throne, the other is convinced he does, and it really boils down to trusting in someone you have no reason to trust. That’s how peacemaking works – it isn’t easy, and Arthur spends the rest of the movie figuring that out . . . that sometimes you have to make peace at the end of a giant, supernatural fork!
Mera and Arthur travel to all the different hidden kingdoms of Atlantis trying to find the trident, and apparently Momoa thought a few of the scenes were reminiscent of Romancing the Stone
The Sicily scene is especially well shot, if not for that terrible music. I mean, why can’t Aquaman have better music? And on to the music, there is this kind of theme that Arthur has throughout the film that sounds like “dum dum duuum” (you know, the sound where something climactic is about to happen) but, yea, nothing happens. It’s just his dumb dumb dumb smoldering theme.
Thank God the story was brilliant and engaging, because the acting, with the exception of uber-mensch Willem Dafoe as Vulko and Patrick Wilson as Orm, was mediocre. For an action movie though, I wasn’t expecting much.
Where this film stands out is easily the visual effects. When you learn all the work that went into making these underwater “space” sequences, and the moments where you shift from CGI to just the human eye and practical effects, you really have to marvel (ha ha) at how the Academy can justify passing on this film. Again, I ask, are they relevant anymore? Who was the last person you saw an Academy award winning film with? Be honest. Now, who was the last person you saw an incredibly well executed visual effects action film with? Know why? Because the Academy is dumb dumb dumb!
In the end, there are some fantastic movie moments that you will be talking about for years to come, and while I saw a certain “twist” coming from a nautical mile away, you may not.
Ultimately seeing how Arthur develops from a man who has struggled with losing his mother and has to accept his fate that he really wanted no part of, is what makes this DC film a must see for people that love going to the movies. This is one of those films that delivers on almost all the aspects of terrific filmmaking. Music was terrible, some of the acting and dialog was unforgivable, but in the end you will be entertained.
