Duller than a Kansas landscape.
The H-Bomb: Everyone’s favorite farm girl, Dorothy (Lea Michele), returns from Oz to find that Aunty Em (Tacey Adams) and Uncle Henry (Michael Krawic) are being forced to move out of their tornado ravaged home after it’s declared unsafe. Dorothy has her suspicions about this, since the property appraiser (Martin Short) is a pretty sketchy fellow. But, before Dorothy can do much of anything about this, a rainbow comes along, scoops her and Toto up, and whisks them away back to the wonderful Land of Oz.
As it happens, Dorothy was summoned by her old friends, the Scarecrow (Dan Aykroyd), the Lion (James Belushi), and the Tin Man (Kelsey Grammar), who have been ruling the Emerald City ever since she helped them find courage, and a heart, and a brain. But, they didn’t summon her back for a social call. No, turns out, the Wicked Witch of the West had a brother, the Jester (Martin Short, again), who is every bit as evil as she ever was, and after stealing her broom, he now threatens to bring darkness to the land.
With his newfound powers, the Jester wastes no time in turning Glinda the Good Witch (Bernadette Peters) into a mindless marionette puppet, or in taking the Scarecrow, the Lion, and the Tin Man prisoner. Now, Dorothy must once again follow the yellow brick road in order to save her friends. Along the way, she comes upon some other fine denizens of Oz, including Wiser (Oliver Platt), a gravitationally challenged owl, Marshal Mallow (Hugh Dancy), a soldier made of marshmallow, and China Princess (Megan Hilty), a princess made of china, who join Dorothy to help her rid the land of this dastardly Jester once and for all.
If you really care about your children, if you really want to enrich their development, then show them the 1939 version of The Wizard of Oz. That film is a timeless classic for a reason. And if they want more, rent last year’s Oz: The Great and Powerful for them. If all you need, however, is an autonomous babysitter for your very, very youngest, something to keep them occupied and out of your hair on a summer day, then by all means, wait for Legends of Oz: Dorothy’s Return to come to DVD, and Redbox it. Sadly, that’s really about all it’s good for.
Now, I’m not all R-rated all the time, I can enjoy a good family film as much as the next guy. Hell, I enjoyed both The Wizard of Oz and Oz: The Great and Powerful immensely. They are delightfully magical films that can be appreciated by young and old alike. Legends of Oz: Dorothy’s Return, on the other hand, is made purely for the kindergarten and under crowd. Small children who demand nothing more than pretty, colorful pictures and fat, talking owls to keep them entertained will be satisfied. Anyone above the age of eight or nine, however, will most likely be bored out of their socks and hoping for a tornado to come and sweep them out of the theater.
Perhaps I’m being harsh, but the film, adapted from the book, Dorothy of Oz, by Roger S. Baum, the great-grandson of original Oz author, L. Frank Baum, is just so incredibly bland. The new characters who accompany Dorothy are unspeakably dull and their humorous quips are inanely juvenile (The Great Wall of China line made me groan out loud). The exploits they partake in, like the stopovers in Judge Jawbreaker’s court, or the China Princess’s suitors’ assembly, are completely bereft of any sense of adventure or excitement. Hell, even the flying monkeys are rendered boring. Worst of all, are the songs… oh yes, there are songs, just like in The Wizard of Oz. But, unlike The Wizard of Oz, these musical interludes do nothing more than pad the undernourished story. None of them are even remotely catchy or memorable.
In fact, almost nothing in this ho-hum family flick is memorable. As of this writing, I saw the movie less than 24 hours ago, and already large portions of it have evaporated from my mind, and not because I didn’t pay attention. The respectable vocal cast, from Aykroyd, to Grammar, to Platt, to Patrick freakin’ Stewart, are all completely wasted. All save for Short, whose Jester does make for a rather lively and entertaining villain, a villain deserving of a far better movie. The animation itself is nice, though it’s nothing I would call eye popping, and the 3D will most definitely leave the grown ups wondering, “Why the hell did I pay extra for 3D tickets?”
The 3D effect in Legends of Oz: Dorothy’s Return is quite like the film itself… utterly and completely flat. It’s not what I would consider terrible, it’s simply that, unlike the great film it claims to be a sequel to, it’s intended exclusively for the kiddies, with practically nothing to offer the rest of the family. Nothing in the way of heart, or charm, or wonder. My advice, as a concerned non-parent, is to stay home, watch The Wizard of Oz, or any other family film, Oz-related or otherwise. Because when it comes to entertainment, our children deserve better.
