Yo Joe? More like . . . don’t go!!!
Limacher Low Down: I start this review off by admitting that I may be one of the VERY few people who found enjoyment in the First G.I. Joe movie. It harkened back to my childhood, and was something I took excitement and joy in watching. I had the HIGHEST of hopes in G.I. Joe: Retaliation, but unlike its predecessor, I was GREATLY disappointed. When most think of the first being the lowest the bar can be set for G.I. Joe, they will be surprised that a hole has been dug for the bar to go even lower!
G.I. Joe: Retaliation starts with the Joes becoming the elite fighting force known around the world. Cobra Commander and Destro have been locked up, and the world is a better place with the Joes watching over us. We see that Duke (Channing Tatum) is now the leader of the Joes, and his best friend, Roadblock (Dwayne Johnson), is second in command. The main reinforcements that help the Joes the most are Flint (D.J. Cotrona) and Lady Jaye (Adrianne Palicki).
The Joes are quickly dispatched to help stop a civil unrest in Pakistan, and it is here where, as seen in the previews, the President (Jonathan Pryce) is not the man we believe him to be. Once the mission has been handled, it is then ordered that the Joes be taken out. This whole set up is fine for what it is, but it moves at such a rapid pace. I understand why the decision was made to do this, but it just makes me scratch my head about the pace of the movie.
Then the plot line establishes the Joes as Evil, and Cobra are the ones that can protect us and save the world. This is where the movie, for the most part officially derails. Storm Shadow (Byung-Hun Lee), with the help of Firefly (Ray Stevenson) help to locate and release Cobra Commander and Destro from the location where they are being held. This scene was decent, but for the most part it just raised more questions than answers. The feeling I was left with was one of just utter confusion and just thinking what the hell is going on here? The whole scene just seems like a bunch of ideas were thrown against a wall, and the ones that seemed to stick made it into the movie. Poor editing.
Next was my favorite part of the movie, the only part I TRULY enjoyed. Snake Eyes (Ray Park) and Jinx (Elodie Yung) were training together, and given a mission. The mission is the scene, if you’ve watched any of the previews, which takes place in the mountains. There is quite a bit of action and fun that transpires throughout the scene. If there was anything that I want a memory of seeing throughout the whole movie it is that scene alone. I enjoyed this, but all good things must quickly come to an end in this movie, and the scene was over after a climactic finish.
We focus back on the Joes who are on the run from their own country, and being hunted down for the “crimes” in which they have allegedly committed. Roadblock comes up with the idea that there is only “One Man” that can help them with their situation, and that is General Joe Colton (Bruce Willis); the reason why they are called Joes. In a rather boring and tawdry scene, we are introduced to General Colton, and there isn’t much that happens. By this point, I’m so bored that I want the movie to either quickly escalate or just end. I’m quickly realizing that my worst fears are coming true.
This all leads to the climactic final battle scene, which really doesn’t offer that much for everything that has transpired. Think back to the lengthy battle scene in the first movie, then cut that down quite a bit and that is the final battle scene in G.I. Joe: Retaliation. The plot line makes no sense, and even a young child would scream “WHAT?!!?” at the screen by the end.
I had a few concerns when I found out that Jon M. Chu was tabbed as the Director. The same person who directed the past 2 Step-Up movies, and directed the Justin Bieber documentary was taking on G.I. Joe? Well, unfortunately my concerns came true. G.I. Joe: Retaliation had terrible pacing, a horrible plot line, and just made me BORED watching something I had LOVED when I was growing up.
Almost everything about this movie made me wish for the end to come, and one scene doesn’t make up for what seemed to be the LONGEST 90 minutes of my LIFE! I now understand why Paramount delayed the release, not just to give it a 3D touch-up, but also possibly delay what would be a TERRIBLE box office opening in the summer. I believe if you LOVED G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra, you might find some enjoyment; BUT, if you only liked it, or hated it, take my advice and AVOID the mind numbingly BAD G.I. Joe: Retaliation.
