The Boll Manifesto
The H-Bomb: Three years ago, a disaffected young man named Bill Williamson (Brendan Fletcher), got so fed up with life, his parents, and the world in general, that he grabbed a couple of assault weapons and embarked on a shooting spree in his hometown that left over a hundred people dead. Some time later, he posted a video of himself kind of explaining why he did what he did online, then he went underground. Vanished completely.
Now, Bill is back, with his body armor re-polished and his guns reloaded, ready to unleash his unexplained rage against humanity yet again. Only this time, he doesn’t want to merely mow people down, he wants to wake people up to what he perceives as being the ills of society. Be it the environment, capitalism, the NSA, whatever, Bill wants to tear it all down, and he wants the people- the ones he doesn’t happen to kill- to help him do it.
So, he strolls into a TV station- which looks a lot more like a standard office building than it does any TV station I’ve ever seen- and after blowing away about half the people who work there, he takes the rest hostage and lays out a few demands. First, he wants the station to air a DVD he made of himself espousing his bat shit philosophy to the world. Second, once the DVD is finished playing, he wants to do a live, sit down interview with the star reporter at the station, in order to clarify his rantings on the DVD… I guess.
Bill promises that as soon as his demands are met, he’ll let his hostages go. Unfortunately, Bill’s nefarious antics have attracted the attention of law enforcement, who are converging on the station and plotting a course of action. But Bill does have a contingency, should the police interfere, one that would involve a great big bang. Unfortunately, there is no such contingency for the audience, who will likely want to be put out of their own misery after suffering through ninety minutes of this didactic, idiotic, sanctimonious blast from the ass.
Yes, I am reviewing an Uwe Boll film. Yes, reviewing an Uwe Boll film is pretty much akin to beating up a kid in a wheelchair. However, just imagine if said kid in wheelchair went rolling around the schoolyard every single day, giving people the middle finger, and endlessly talking shit about how awesome he is and how everyone can just kiss his boil ridden ass. Suddenly, pounding that little roller brat’s face into the dirt doesn’t sound so heinous, does it?
The same goes for Uwe Boll and his so-called films. To the uninitiated, it would appear as if one was simply committing an act of cruelty by reviewing his mentally challenged movies. But, by God, if you ever actually subjected yourself to one of his grotesque cinematic atrocities, then you would feel not only the want, but the fucking need, to rip into it, rage against it, and kick the living shit out of it. That is the effect that Herr Boll’s films have on people, they drive perfectly sane minds to complete and total insanity.
It’s pretty much common knowledge that Boll makes astoundingly awful movies, but what’s different about Rampage: Capital Punishment, is that it’s not awful because it’s incompetently made, but because of the content of its message. Now, before I go any further, I should state for the record that I kind of liked the first Rampage. Mind you, that is not the same as saying it was good. It’s was moderately decent, at best, but given that it was written and directed by Uwe Boll, I was pleasantly shocked by how watchable and quasi-entertaining it turned out to be.
So, I went into Herr Boll’s sequel with some ever-so-slight expectations; yes, I actually had expectations for an Uwe Boll picture, may I never make that mistake again! Folks, Rampage: Capital Punishment is far beyond bad. It is a thoroughly loathsome and distasteful viewing experience. Had that no talent fuck-wank been in the same room with me as I was watching it, I probably would’ve physically attacked him, regardless of how good a boxer he may be. The man has, as profoundly putrid as his past pictures have been, truly outdone himself this time. He has made something that is downright offensive.
Like the first Rampage, this sequel is somewhat better than the average Boll shit bomb, in that the production values and cinematography are fairly decent, given the limited budget, the violence is unflinchingly potent, and lead actor Fletcher gives an effectively intense performance. He is crazy scary, and he makes a very credible psycho, even when the words coming out of his mouth aren’t so credible, but I’m getting ahead of myself. When it comes to positives, that’s about it. The rest of this movie is an appalling avalanche of ass.
Where to even start… suppose I’ll get the easy shit out of the way, like how the shooting deaths, while appropriately graphic, do become numbingly repetitive after some time. Then there’s the fact that about 75% of the movie takes place in a large office room, where Bill sits in front of his captives and tries talking them to death. This stretch of the film is an excruciatingly static slog. The reaction shots of the hostages, in which they look bored out of their minds, speak volumes as to how agonizingly dull it becomes.
All of this merely makes the movie bad, but what puts it over-the-top, and makes it utterly insufferable, is when it gets to Bill’s big pre-recorded speech. This is when Bill goes on a ten minute rant on pretty much all things political; Assange, Snowden, American Imperialism, drones, wiretapping, healthcare, gun control, racism, global warming, and about a billion and a half other things. That’s right, Bill is a psychopath with a social conscience. Trouble is, whatever validity these points might have are completely voided by the fact that they’re being voiced by a mass murdering lunatic. A man who has no qualms about keeping and bearing arms himself, and who has no fucking regard for human life whatsoever.
I was ready to give Boll the benefit of the doubt by thinking that he was perhaps going for some kind of warped irony by giving this nut job a left wing, humanitarian agenda. That notion, however, was pretty much shot to hell when I listened to Boll’s commentary. The things that Bill spouts off during his diatribe are Boll’s own personal views. These are Boll’s beliefs coming out of Bill’s mouth. This is Boll’s serious attempt at making a polemic with a sincere message. The problem, again, is that he made the messenger a homicidal maniac who thinks it’s perfectly okay to kill anyone who doesn’t fall in line with his little revolution. Boll sympathizes with Bill, he wants us to sympathize with Bill, he makes Bill his surrogate in the film, and that is where he royally fucks up, and completely invalidates whatever point he’s trying to make.
This fucking guy shows his “hero,” his harbinger of truth, mowing down scores of people with assault rifles, and then has the audacity to smugly lecture me and my fellow Americans about gun control??? Herr Boll, fuck you and everything you stand for, you sauerkraut sucking hack!
Jesus… here I go getting all worked up over an absolute pile of anal waste that is so not worth getting worked up over. With the original Rampage, I thought Boll might have been improving, ever so slightly, as a filmmaker. Rampage: Capital Punishment, has proven me dead fucking wrong. This thing is truly reprehensible. A vile, heavy-handed, hypocritical mountain of suck. If anything, bleeding hearts should hate this even more than I do, because it takes the progressive point of view and subverts it, perverts it, and presents it in the most irrational way imaginable. Goddamn Billy Jack has more credibility as a liberal treatise than this gutter turd.
Whatever. I’m done with this crap stain of a motion picture, and I’m done with Uwe Boll, for good. I am making a solemn vow, right here and now: I will never, NEVER watch another Bollshit “film” of his. Not for unintentional amusement, or morbid curiosity, or anything ever again. Dr. Boll is on my black list for life.
