Sniktychangas!
Directed by: Shawn Levy
Written by: Ryan Reynolds, Rhett Reese, Paul Wernick
Cast: Ryan Reynolds, Hugh Jackman, Emma Corrin
Swift shot: The Disneyfied Deadpool sequel we have all been secretly dreading for a year. But, son-of-a-fuckstick, if it isn’t just completely delicious despite its plot diet. Oh, it also disproves the theory that fans are “so over superhero flicks.” Bite us, cinephiles! Some of us dorks actually want to be entertained. With the highest R-rated box office of all time, Scorsese can suck it!
Going way back to X-Men Origins: Wolverine, we have been dying to see Deadpool and Wolverine really smack the shit out of each other and also collab in a world-saving spectacle that will have nerds squealing for decades. Back in 2009, that did not happen.
I mean, my God, I actually said this in my review: “Ryan Reynolds was poorly cast as Wade Wilson…” Proof that criticism can pay off. Reynolds took all that negative press and showed us fucking all what MAXIMUM EFFORT is all about!
His redemption arc began with Deadpool in 2016 and then in 2018 we got Deadpool 2 and even a bit of a bonus with Once Upon A Deadpool. Ryan Reynolds’ redemption arc is destined to be dissected in film classes—at least until students realize the real lesson was just enjoying the ride.
Nobody was quite sure what to expect with Reynolds reporting to Mickey Mouse now, but I was just hopeful it would surpass Origins and wanted to see it devoid of the new woke-Disney bullshit. For the most part, that is what we got – a slick, bloody, irreverent, filthy buddy-cop movie that delivered in all the ways that mattered. But, it wasn’t perfect.
The plot was pretty stupid if we are being honest here. Wade (Reynolds) wants to prove to himself that he is a hero. Fucking lame, but it does set up all the other shit we liked, so we’ll allow it. Oh, and the plot involves the TVA. If you play Marvel SNAP you know how fucking annoying that shit is in the game and in this house, we are sick to shitting toilet-death of the TVA.
For those that don’t know, the Time Variance Authority (TVA) is the multiverse timeline bureaucratic bullshit organization that Disney interjected into Loki to make it even more boring. Because nothing entices me like watching fucking paper-pushers talk about the already annoying multiverses that are really just excuses to bypass shitty lawyers and lazy writing. Yea, fuck the multiverses already, and seriously fuck the fucking TVA!
I don’t like the TVA.
So, anyway, Deadpool is in one of the batrillion timelines and is trying to become an Avenger to prove to himself that he can be heroic or something. I don’t know, I lost the plot, but I did enjoy seeing Reynolds and Jon Favreau as Happy Hogan sharing some screen time – even if it was tacked on.
So, some time wonk at the TVA, Mr. Paradox (Matthew Macfadyen) reaches out to Wade and tells him he needs his help restoring the sacred timeline and there’s like a core entity at the center of every timeline that anchors the reality. But, in Wade’s timeline, that dude was Wolverine, and he is dead – ala Logan. Yea, people would have been pissed off enough to kick puppies if they shit on that film’s lore.
So, Disney, surprisingly, didn’t. Even a woke mouse is right twice a day or something, right?
Mr. Paradox tells Wade that he needs him to go find another core anchor Wolverine. And what ensues is so much nerd candy that you’ll need to see the movie four times to see all the layered Easter Eggs, as Wade goes a lookin’ for a new Logan.
Wade winds up with “the worst” Wolverine (Jackman) in any timeline. And when Deadpool brings him to the TVA, wouldn’t ya know it, Mr. Paradox lied! “Curse your sudden but inevitable betrayal.” And the two ‘buddies’ are sent to The Void.
The void is a dimensional trash heap of all the loser characters (uhm, people) that were pruned out of existence by the TVA. It’s like in Toy Story 3, guys. Remember when they were about to be incinerated, well, the entity that does those honors is the much-loathed Alioth.
For the uninitiated, Alioth is a behemoth that destroys anything in its path, thus permanently wiping them out of existence, for real-real. Like, this is true death, even in the comic book world where seemingly nobody ever truly dies.
Once they arrive in the Void, they start to ping with gratuitous cameo after delightful cameo. And then there are some horrific characters that only a true monster could conjure up in their darkest of twisted psyches. I won’t spoil it for you, but he was played by Gordon Reynolds . . . whoever the fuck that is! Even this character’s name is fucking terrible! So, yea, just the worst of the worst are in the Void.
There’s also some pretty amazing characters from the past that were given a chance to shine again, too. I am impressed if you haven’t had them spoiled by now.
No good superhero movie would be worth the watch if not for its main villain. And in Deadpool & Wolverine, you get Cassandra Nova (Corrin). She is the evil twin to Charles Xavier, or Professor X, as you may know him. And she is not too thrilled about being dumped into the Void. But, due to her immense power pool, she is the head mutherfucker in charge of things, and if you don’t serve her, you die. Pretty straightforward, really.
Right from the Snikt, it’s clear that DP & Wolvy are no match for Cassandra Nova, and they have to come up with a different way to defeat her. That’s all the plot and story I will divulge here.
Deadpool & Wolverine is weak on plot but thick and meaty and juicy and moist and sexy and fun and funny and violent everywhere else!
See it, Bub!!
