Swift shot: Do not, for the love of all things sacred, bring any children under fifteen to see this movie. Please, heed my warning, or get ready to answer some of the most embarrassing questions of your life! Director Jason Reitman and novelist Chad Kultgen use the calming voice of Emma Thompson to narrate the bleakness of our mediocre lives, the pointlessness of it all, set against five interweaving stories at one Texas high-school in the heartland of America. At first, I assumed it was going to be a biting criticism of our society, but in actuality, it comes across like a paleontological dissection of one small town’s disturbed heart.
Adam Sandler plays, Don Truby, a mid-level management white-class pervert. Well, you know, a typical American mid-life crisis dad, these days. He laments what his life has become, void of adventure and spontaneity, where he has to make an appointment to have sexual intercourse with his wife. Yes, I used that boring phrase on purpose, because the film delivers all aspects of sexuality in the same mechanical fashion. So, get used to it! But, it’s also fucking filthy!!
[Swift aside: I have heard people stating Adam Sandler deserves an Oscar. No, that is false, he doesn’t deserve an Oscar for this performance. He doesn’t really get challenged as an actor, and to me, that is what rates the golden statue, period.]
His wife, Helen (Rosemarie DeWitt) is also bored. She doesn’t really need to provide a constant vigil on her son anymore, and as she has gotten older, she feels less attractive, or attracted to anyone. One night, that disgusting company that reminds you “Life is short, have an affair,” pops on the TV and sets off a spark in both parents. They both act on the impulse.
Then you have another parent, Donna Clint (Judy Greer) who is “helping” her daughter’s acting career get off on the right foot, by, well, pimping her off online! Want her daughter to pose naughty for you? No problem, as long as you are paying . . . for her acting lesson bills. Her daughter, Hannah Clint (Olivia Crocicchia) lacks any real discipline, because her mom is aiding her bad choices.
Then you have the tragic figures, Tim Mooney (Ansel Elgort) and his father who were abandoned by Tim’s mother so she could run off with a producer in California. Dean Norris as Kent Mooney deserves a serious look at a supporting actor award, he’s no slouch as the devastated dad who can only speak football with his depressed son who has exactly zero desire to play football ever again and spends countless hours on Guild Wars, an MMORPG that allows him to escape.
Meanwhile, there is the villain in the story, Jennifer Garner, as Patricia Beltmeyer, a mother that makes the NSA look like the tooth fairy! She has her poor daughter, Brandy (Kaitlyn Dever) under such strict cyber security that it almost defies belief! She is the most paranoid parent on the planet. And, as with most over-controlling parents, her daughter rebels. At first you want to hate hate hate her character, and you can. But, in the end, ALL these parents are operating under some strained belief that they are doing right by their kids. Thus, the annoyingly stupid title, Men, Women, & Children.
Reitman works fairly well within the confines of the drama, but he could use a bit more Emma Thompson narration in places where shit just got plain dull. I rather enjoyed hearing Emma poking fun at how ridiculous we must look on the galactic scale of things.
This isn’t a goofy comedy flick, it’s a cerebral story with an incredibly slow pulse. In fact, it isn’t particularly funny at all. It’s a tragedy of the reality that is now, that is our current digital experience. While the film is depressing in many aspects, it certainly offers the best example of what true modern life is like in post-2010 America. For that, it deserves honest accolades.
Ultimately, since the point of Men, Women, & Children was that there is no point (except for love) – it’s almost a fool’s errand to write this review. Maybe I should spend more time deleting malware, at least that is productive use of my limited time on this ridiculous pale blue dot or ours.
