Who’s There? Eli Roth, trolling the movie going public.
Directed by: Eli Roth
Written by: Eli Roth, Nicolas Lopez, Guillermo Amoedo (Screenplay), Anthony Moverman, Michael Ronald Ross (Story)
Starring: Keanu Reeves, Lorenza Izzo, Ana de Armas
The H-Bomb: Evan Webber (Keanu Reeves) is a devoted husband and father who has the house to himself for the weekend when his wife (Ignacia Allamand) and kids go out of town on a mini-vacation. During his first night alone, he hears a knocking at his front door. When he answers, he finds two young women, Bel (Ana de Armas) and Genesis (Lorenzo Izzo) standing in the pouring rain. Their story is that they got lost looking for a party, so Evan, being the nice guy that he is, invites them in out of the rain.
As they dry off and wait for the taxi Evan called, they make small talk, and all seems well. But before too long, their conversation becomes more and more inappropriate in nature, and the two young ladies soon start to aggressively come on to the clearly uncomfortable Evan. Unfortunately, this is all only the tip of the iceberg, as Evan has no idea what kind of sickos he has let into his home, or the kind of hell that he, and the audience, are about to be put through…
Around a month ago, I reviewed Eli Roth’s cannibal tribe picture, The Green Inferno, a savagely violent flick that I did enjoy. It’s hardly a classic, but as a raw, balls out horror film, I found it incredibly effective. I had no idea that Roth had a second film, Knock Knock, slated for release so soon after. In fact, not only did I not know he had another film coming out, I had no idea I would have such a polar opposite reaction to it.
Never before has a filmmaker swung so wildly from one end of the spectrum to the other, in such a short amount of time. I liked The Green Inferno quite a bit, and felt like one of the few people on the internet willing to defend it. With Knock Knock, however, I feel the exact opposite. Not only did I not like Knock Knock, I straight up fucking hated it. Hated it with a red, hot, burning passion.
There is no point in putting it gently, I’m way too pissed, Knock Knock is fucking vile. It is absolute torture porn garbage. It stands alongside The Human Centipede 2, I Spit On Your Grave 2, and Movie 43 as being one of the most worthless and miserable movies I have ever had the displeasure of sitting through. If I still had the option of awarding a film a rating of zero stars, I would award it to this one. That is how truly and epically excruciating this filth really is.
I am so taken aback by how much I despised this picture, that I’m not even sure where to begin. I mean, it’s pretty shitty from the outset, with Reeves engaging in the most annoying banter with his idiotic family imaginable, and it only goes downhill from there. Without giving too much away (I’ll do that later), Knock Knock, which is a remake of a 1977 film called Death Game, is a home invasion flick in the vein of Hard Candy and Funny Games, in which a home is invaded, and then the owner of that home is tied up and tormented and tortured by the invader.
It’s the kind of film that is inherently unpleasant, often in the extreme, but at least in the case of Hard Candy, the “victim” turns out to be a sick fucking pedo, so we don’t really feel too bad for him. Reeves’ Evan, on the other hand, is a perfectly decent person who is entirely undeserving of all the horribleness that befalls him, as for the bulk of the movie’s interminable 99 minute run time, he is taunted, abused, and humiliated in ways that I wouldn’t wish on a fucking terrorist … and we the audience are made to suffer through every second of it. I have never seen a movie bask in its own cruelty the way this one does.
You almost have to see it in order to grasp where I’m coming from, but it truly is painful to endure. What makes it all the more infuriating, is that Roth takes extra care to make sure absolutely nothing goes well for his ever suffering protagonist, whose attempts to turn the tables on his captors, or in any way get the upper hand or strike back, are constantly being thwarted, because the movie constantly has him making stupid mistakes, like attacking someone who’s armed with a sharp object, or tripping over the giant fucking object that was lying in his path, that he failed to see, because if he did see this big, shiny red object, the movie would be over.
That in itself is an issue, that Roth stacks things against the protagonist so much, and makes these two psycho bitches so invincible, that not only am I getting pissed off, I’m not even believing it. So this guy, who finally has the ability to fight back, whose fucking adrenaline must be through the roof, is instantly incapacitated by getting stabbed in the shoulder with a fork? Fuck you, Eli Roth! So when this guy makes it outside to yell for help, it does no good
because not a one of his neighbors, in this very developed neighborhood, is home? Double fuck you, Eli Roth!
What’s worse, Roth, through the whole film, has Evan pleading with these psychotic women, trying to appeal to their humanity, even though they have repeatedly demonstrated just how clearly psychotic they really are. And good God, these two ladies have got to be the most obnoxious psychotics ever put on film. You will want to see very bad things happen to them, not just because they’re a couple of sadistic lunatics, but because they are so goddamn fucking annoying. Izzo, who impressed me in The Green Inferno, and de Armas, who I’ve never seen before and hope to never see again, are so relentless in their manic overacting, and their shrill fucking giggling, that they are grating on a Biblical level, and I actively rooted for their painful demise.
SPOILER ALERT, for I truly do not give a fuck:
Their demise never comes. That, in a small way, could have redeemed this picture, but they never get their just desserts, making Knock Knock all the more insufferable. This movie is regurgitated fucking dog shit, people. A dull, tasteless, and thoroughly loathsome pile of ass, it is appalling on every level, and its very existence is an affront to humanity. Knock Knock is by far, without a shadow of a doubt, the worst film of 2015 that I have seen, and I am done talking about it. Seriously, fuck this movie.
