Altered

“Suck it up, piss pants!”

Swift shot: Every once in awhile I will find a straight to DVD flick that I have never heard about that really should have been in theaters. This flick didn’t even make my radar when it released in 2006, but damn it was good. The acting in this was amazing, considering it starred virtual unknowns, these artists really committed to their characters.  The special effects were creepy and authentic, scoring was perfect and helped set the tone immediately and was effective to keep that heightened anxiety throughout the film.

At any rate, I read the brief Netflix synopsis and was immediately intrigued:  “Five high school buddies are abducted by aliens from a farm in Florida — but only four of them survive. Fifteen years later, the friends — whose lives have been altered ever since — return to the farm to face their enemy and seek revenge.”  That is true, but what they don’t tell you is that the film takes place fifteen years later, you never see scene one, not in a flashback or anything, with the actual encounter fifteen years prior.  In this way, it reminded me a lot of Resevoir Dogs, the actors were speaking to a crucial event that never makes it on screen.

They did a tremendous job making that event real, and kudos to the casting director, I genuinely felt for these characters, even the one you are supposed to detest, sorta – a mark of great directing too.  In my research tonight, I see Eduardo Sanchez directed “The Blair Witch Project”.  He always seems to get that from his actors, it’s like the lines of fantasy and truth are gone, and they become their characters, mind, body and soul.  If you come out of the movie caring about these characters or loathing them, the film-makers did their jobs.  Great job to all involved, special “skins off” to Cody, err, Paul McCarthy-Boyington who really gave 100%.

“Altered” shows diverging opinions on dealing with the pesky anal probes and abductions by our little green friends.  And, did I mention there were harpoons?  Yessiree – last harpoon I saw in a decent film was being fired by Axl Rose in The Deadpool!  It was like someone was sitting around the Universal Studios lot in Mouse-town and said, hey, we got this harpoon lying around here, can we use this thing?  Let’s not just use it, lets use the fuck out of it!

The film reaches several tense crescendos where you are like, Holy Shit, I can’t believe this is happening!  Screenwriter Jamie Nash added some gut-wrenching pain to the dialogue, and I still can’t get that scene out of my head.  Effective!

You have four friends who try to get revenge on one alien, but the more, shall we say, in tune leader of the proverbial pack, Wyatt (Adam Kaufman) keeps urging cooler heads to prevail.  It isn’t because he has pity or empathy for the alien being tortured, it’s because he fears the complete extermination of the human race if they kill the alien.  Typically, I side against the pacifists in these types of films, the apologists or mamby pambys who keep pleading with the “psycho” character to not kill the alien.  By the end of this film, if you still want to let the alien live, or you give a rat’s ass about it’s “pain” please don’t visit my site – you are too soft to read any of these reviews, especially H-Man’s!  In case you are wondering, I sided with the female lead, Hope, played by Catherine Mangan, whose character, like me, is a pragmatist.

Overall, this is a great gore flick with excellent characters, believable situations and enough tension to keep you on the edge of your lazy-boy.  And, to anyone who suffers from alien abduction phobia, this film may have two effects, one, it will scare the living shit out of you and make your fear MUCH worse, or two, it will serve to dampen your fear, because it is a little too extreme.  Arachnophobia helped me deal with an irrational fear of all spiders.  But, living in Florida, spiders can be lethal, and they are everywhere, can’t say the same about “greens”.

Unlike the “Signs” aliens who, one: invaded a planet that is 75% water, which is a deadly toxin to them, and two: can’t break down a basement door – yet have mastered interstellar travel.  The “altered” aliens (Foki) may look a little similar to the Signs brood, but the Foki aliens of “Altered” are just mean and vicious bastages, let me reiterate VICIOUS!

You heard it from me, you are gonna enjoy this film, rent it or buy it tonight!  Watch it with someone you enjoy watching squirm! I’ve been walking around all day telling my friends about this one, so it definitely left a mark.  In fact, one scene will be with me forever, I can’t get it out of my head – brutally effective film!  Incidentally, this is my 100th review, I hope I don’t make the Foki’s radar!