Needed more Bats.
The H-Bomb: A morbidly obese government spook is hot on the trail of the Riddler (Matthew Gray Gubler), who has stolen a top secret file, when Batman (Kevin Conroy) steps in and apprehends him, taking him to Arkham Asylum. The information on that file is highly sensitive, so special agent Thunder Thighs assembles the Suicide Squad, a team of highly skilled killers, to break into Arkham and retrieve the file, which the Riddler has hidden in his cane. This injustice league of assassins includes the formidable Deadshot (Neal McDonough), the icy-hot Killer Frost (Jennifer Hale), the fishy King Shark (John DiMaggio), the boorish Captain Boomerang (Greg Ellis), the ninja, Black Spider (Giancarlo Esposito), and the Joker’s main squeeze, Harley Quinn (Hynden Walch).
In order to ensure the cooperation of this motley crew, agent Tons-of-Fun has inserted an implant into the back of each of their necks… implants that will explode, should they step out of line. So, with that extra incentive, our Suicide Squad infiltrates the island of Arkham in search of one Mr. E. Nigma. Getting past asylum security proves to be a rather simple task, but unfortunately for Ms. Quinn and her posse, Batman has discovered that something is up at Arkham, and is on his way to investigate. If that isn’t enough, the Joker (Troy Baker) has managed to slip out of his cell, and wherever he goes, mass destruction tends to follow…
Meh. Maybe I’ve been spoiled by earlier DC animated movies. Maybe because the adaptations Batman: Year One and The Dark Knight Returns were so bloody awesome, I’ve come to expect more. Frank Miller’s graphic novels were not merely super hero tales, they were satirical, with tremendous amounts of depth and subtext. They also delved into Batman’s psyche, showing us who he was and what made him tick. The latest DC animated adventure, Batman: Assault on Arkham, is not based Miller’s work, and has none of the substance of those earlier movies. Hell, it barely even gives us any Batman, but I’m getting ahead of myself.
Written by Heath Corson, and directed by Jay Oliva and Ethan Spaulding, Batman: Assault on Arkham is set in the universe of the Arkham video game series, which includes Arkham Asylum, Arkham City, Arkham Origins, and next year’s Arkham Knight. This particular story takes place between Arkham Origins and Arkham Asylum, in case you were wondering. I am, at best, a casual gamer, though I have played, and immensely enjoyed, the Arkham games, and I would say that this film works as a serviceable, if not entirely necessary, tie-in to them. It doesn’t make any earth shattering revelations about this universe, nor does it really set up any story or plot threads that are paid off in the games, it simply gives us another look inside Gotham’s favorite nuthouse. Only this time, it’s not interactive.
It’s a straight up comic book story that throws in numerous references, sight gags, and other tips of the hat to the earlier live action Bat-flicks of Burton and Nolan- fans of Batman Returns will get a real kick out of the memorable way in which the Dark Knight takes down a goon early on. The movie even takes a welcome swipe at the Schumacher films, in particular, the lame-as-hell ice puns that run rampant in Batman & Robin. As a fan of pretty much all things Batman, the references were fun to spot, and I’m sure there are plenty I missed.
Even though Assault on Arkham lacks the dramatic weight of the Miller adaptations, one thing it doesn’t skimp on is the violence. Oh man, was I tickled silly when I saw this for sale in the children’s section of my local DVD store, because this fuckin’ thing is NOT for kids. Heads are blown up, people are constantly being gunned down, sliced up, and beaten to a pulp. This is one grisly affair that, if it were live action, would have a hard R-rating for sure. And I haven’t even touched on the scene where Harley Quinn and Deadshot decide to strip down and dance the horizontal mambo… yeah, parentals, send the kiddies to bed before putting this one on.
While the uninhibited violence and sexuality were much appreciated, the lack of Batman was not. I mentioned this earlier, and now I’m getting to it, Batman is barely in this movie. He’s pushed so far into the background that he’s relegated to a slim supporting role. It’s nice that they brought Conroy back, as he is the definitive animated Batman voice, it’s just a crying shame he’s given so little to do. Instead, Batman: Assault on Arkham focuses on the Suicide Squad, which is a damn near fatal misstep, because not a one of them is particularly interesting. Even the ultimate badass, Deadshot, is, as a character, kind of dull and forgettable.
The only member of the squad who’s even remotely memorable is the ever grating Harley Quinn, who just annoys the mother loving piss out of me with that shrill fucking accent of hers. God damn is she unbearable! Then, at about the halfway point, the Joker comes into it and pretty much dominates the rest of the film, and as much as I love the J-man, I’m getting just a wee bit bored with him. There are other Batman villains to choose from, ya know? Why are they always going back to him? Other members of the rogues gallery, like Bane, Poison Ivy, and Penguin do pop up here and there, but their screen time, like Batman’s, is sadly limited.
What’s even worse, though, than the lack of Batman in this Batman movie, is the animation. Holy fucking hell. Year One and The Dark Knight Returns may not have been Pixar quality, but they look about a million and a half times better than this. The animation on display here isn’t even up to snuff for a Saturday morning cartoon, it looks that astoundingly cheap and shitty. Not only could the miracle of Blu-Ray not make this look any better, it probably made it look a little worse than the standard def DVD. Damn…
If there’s anything I can say for Batman: Assault on Arkham, it’s that it is a damn sight better than Son of Batman, from earlier this year, which was such a miserable dud I didn’t even bother reviewing it. At 76 minutes, it clips along at a decent pace, the action is fairly abundant, and the violence is, again, oh so gruesome. Trouble is, without an interesting story or characters to care about, all of that is for naught, and in this instance, the story just isn’t all that interesting, and aside from the absentee Batman, I didn’t really give a shit or a shake about any of these characters. For the die hard Dark Knight fans, it’s worth a watch. Everyone else, however, will probably have more fun replaying one of the Arkham video games, instead.
