The A-Team

Batshit Insane!

***Alpha Mike Foxtrot***

Swift shot: DUN DUN DUN, DUN DUN DUN!   It’s like with Jaws’ theme, the minute you hear that tune, you are keyed up, ready to meet “The A-Team”.  This film was a terrific action flick, but don’t go into the theater looking for an intriguing plot.  As a standalone action flick though, this baby was high speed, bullets and brimstone balls to the wall . . . awesome.  But a confused plot and some poor character flaws were distracting and pointless.  But, Mr. T needs to check it out and stop being a fool; I pity him for opting out of this modern nod to a series long since dead.  He should be thanking them, and if you stick around past the credits you’ll see some old faces who appreciated the new A-Team.

Director Joe Carnahan’s style comes out in the opening sequence which provides for all the exposition he thinks you need.  Each character is introduced in a hokey fashion; but the folks who grew up watching the series will find their inner kid thoroughly stoked and I challenge you not to grin as old friends return to your imagination.

Colonel Hannibal Smith (Liam Neeson) puts loyalty and team-work above anything else, his plans always come together, but his cockiness could be his undoing . . . or his team’s.

Lieutenant Templeton, Faceman, Peck (Bradley Cooper) is the suave, con-artist and ladies man of the squad – who sometimes thinks with the wrong brain and has a tendency to be shirtless.

B.A. Baracus (Rampage) fills out the squad’s roster as the muscle and mechanic, but his character flaws left me wanting to puke throughout [Strike One].  Everytime they addressed it, I rolled my eyes, thinking to myself, “Is NOTHING sacred anymore?”  Let’s just say, in real life, a team of operators might not be so keen to suit up with Baracus.

Finally, my favorite character from the series, Howling Mad Murdock, played by the foppish South African Sharlto Copley.  If you don’t recognize him right away, you will when he lets that South African accent loose.  I was most concerned I wouldn’t like this new Murdock.  He isn’t anywhere near as crazy as Dwight Schultz, and most of madness is eluded to off-screen . . . still, he has nothing to be ashamed of – kudos Wikus.

Once you meet each character and you get a feel for the pulse of the A-Team, you get flashed forward eight years – into Baghdad.  The U.S. troops are pulling out, and in what can only be construed as an homage to Kelly’s Heroes, there is a black op to obtain some illegal $100 mint plates that Saddam managed to pilfer years before – yet was unable to make use of because our forces destroyed the original mint.  The badguys are well aware of the existence of both the plates and the A-Team’s mission to get them back.  Taking a political jab at Blackwater Security Forces, we are introduced to the Black Forest Security company, men that Hannibal refers to as “Assassins in Polos”.  Hannibal finds their lack of allegiance to anything but the almighty dollar quite disturbing, as loyalty is what keeps him warm at night.  Leading the assassins is the lethally practical Pike (Brian Bloom).

The A-Team is framed for stealing the plates and for murdering a high ranking officer at the base.  But, wait, here is where the film really starts to be fun, they are aided in breaking out of prison to recover the plates from the real culprits.  And what happens as each character is busted out is more fun to watch than the opening sequence.  The writers allowed for each character’s quirks to be more defined as they stewed in prison, again, framed for a crime they didn’t commit.  CIA agent, Lynch (Patrick Wilson) assures them he will clear their names if they just get the plates back.  I almost forgot to mention Jessica Biel’s Character, former Captain Sosa.  She is forgettable, and at times her motives felt weak and unbelievable, her character was tacked on to entice male audiences, period.  Yea, I am a sexist pig, but I am right, and you know it.  Gladly, she doesn’t play a typical damsel in distress like the Team used to encounter on a regular basis in the series.  But, her character was so annoying to me, I felt she got in the way of the shit I wanted to see, action and more action!

What I loved

The action!! There are scenes in this movie that will make you scream out loud . . . bullshit!!!  Still, you won’t care, because it is just too much fun to watch – it’s called entertainment after all.  Never you mind the fact that one split second later and Faceman would have been a splatter on the road or that you can’t loop a helicopter, who cares?  Just sit back and enjoy the craziness.  Don’t tell me you really thought the old series crew could build a tank out of a washing machine, yet you can’t swallow a flying tank in 2010?  Suspend that disbelief, gentle viewer.  Oh, and I almost forgot to mention, this film is in 3-D too, sorta, you’ll see.

What irked me

They made one of my favorite characters carry around a burden I found annoying, only because a real A-Team would have said, hey buddy, you can sit this one out til ya get over that shit.  No one wants a pacifist in a fighting hole.  When the convoluted plot is unraveled, it is weak and lacking imagination.  I wanted more from Carnahan, considering how wacky his plot was for Smokin’ Aces.  [Strike Two] Hollywood’s go-to badguys filled the slot, please, someone write a script where the badguy is a little old lady with a penchant for drag-racing and RPGs or something novel.

One thing I can guarantee is that the next time you are logged in playing any kind of XBox Live game, when that 12 year old pops you in the head with a sniper rifle, the last thing you will hear is AMF!   It’s gonna be THE phrase of 2010, politically, at work, hell, maybe even at church, but I will wager you will get sick of hearing it soon enough.

Oh, and think this is all just Hollywood BS?  Think again, check out this interesting article about a real A-Team, or Operational Detachments Alpha in action right now!  Either way, check out The A-Team!!